vivdunstan

These have been on hold since Christmas, as I've just slept so much, and have been phenomenally wiped out as my neurological illness flares again. Then I had to focus my extremely limited awake time and energy on a time critical academic journal paper revise and resubmit. But I think I can restart these fun things next week. I enjoy doing them a lot. Initially I plan to alternate the two weekly, so a Benny audio listen and review one week, a Sherlock Holmes short story reread and review the next week, and repeat. With luck I may be able to switch both to a weekly rate again, but this initial alternating plan looks more sustainable for now. I will be resuming with the "The Adventure of the Stockbroker's Clerk" story from The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes, and Bernice Summerfield Big Finish season 6 story number 3 The Lost Museum.

As usual the Urban Crow deck, and my loose 3-card past/present/future spread.

Scavenge / Freedom / Battle. Again some new to me cards this week.

This random draw does feel close to what I've been going through lately, and will be going through in the coming weeks and months. I very recently had my 10th Covid vaccine, which I expected to cause my 10th post Covid vaccine neurological auto immune illness flare. Which is really tough, and happens a week after each vaccine, and lasts for 3 long months. I'd spent the last few weeks before the vaccine trying desperately to sort things out that needed doing, including finishing (or nearly finishing) a couple of academic journal papers before I got too sick to work on them. At the same time I knew I was in as good a position as I was going to be for a long time, and wanted to grab the opportunities. Then when I had my vaccine it was a very strange feeling of limbo for the next week, feeling good - apart from flu like vaccine side effects (I had both flu and Covid vaccines together) - but knowing it was just a brief period. It almost felt psychologically like floating on air. And then this last weekend things crashed back down, with clear signs of my latest flare starting. Which is still currently relatively mild, but should get much more scary and difficult to deal with over the coming weeks.

So yes, a bit of desperate scrabbling around, and then a strange feeling of limbo, and tough times looming. I will cope though. At least I was forewarned, and have been able to prepare for it. That almost sounds like a Doctor Who quote!

Huge thanks to the NHS Tayside staff in the Wallacetown health centre in Dundee. Double vaccinated. Expecting to get very ill from an autoimmune neurological flare starting in a week from now, and it will last 3 months. That will be the 10th time for me after a Covid vaccine ... But I want my vaccine protection too much, and am hugely grateful to have received it again. It's currently a fight between my arms re which hurts more. No fever yet.

Preparation / Self-Interest / Memory.

Another three cards. Which in some ways connect with where I am now.

Autumn is my favourite time of year, and I’ve been getting things in place and making plans for the coming months. Especially the next month and a half, before my inevitable latest post Covid vaccine neurological flare. I’ve already been thinking an awful lot about this, but still need to sit down, with pen and paper, properly brainstorm, and make a list. I’m also planning very soon to blog about my plans on my academic musings blog.

Self-Interest is something I can focus on too much at times. But it’s also important, given how limited I am now, to focus on things that give me joy. Which ties in with the previous paragraph.

This year sees many big anniversaries in my life. Very big ones, like 30 years since both our graduation together and wedding. But also fandom ones, including the 40th anniversaries of Robin of Sherwood, The Box of Delights and even Murder She Wrote! I’d like to dedicate some time to looking back. Including remembering my undergraduate years. Before the end of 2024! So soon.

So more to ponder. But, yes, I need to formalise my musings re plans just that bit more. Writing a formal public blog on the subject should help encourage that.

I'm trying to remember to make time for this each week. To randomly draw a simple past/present/future 3-card spread of the Urban Crow oracle cards which I got recently. And find very easy to work with/interpret.

As usual, I'm using them as a tool to reflect on my situation and circumstances. And think about where I am and what I want to do. I am not using them in a predictive kind of way.

Here is today's spread. With thoughts/comments after the picture.



The middle card, Freedom, was lovely to see. I am currently newly in a better patch in between my recurring rollercoaster of post Covid vaccine neurological autoimmune disease flares. I've had these flares 9 times now, after every Covid vaccine (I get, and need, a lot of Covid vaccines because I am severely immunosuppressed). Each time I am even more ill for up to 3 months, with phenomenally increased sedation, headaches, arm and leg loss of control, and increased bladder incontinence. Many people wouldn't put up with this. But I'm not willing to sacrifice my much needed Covid vaccine protection. And I know I am generating good antibodies from each one.

So I'm in a better patch, for the next couple of months. After that I will get my 10th Covid vaccine, and be iller again for another 3 months. I will just cope. Plus my neurological disease is still progressing, and leaves me severely disabled, even in the better patches. But that progression is slow. And that's partly why I'm still here 30 years into living with this illness!

So yes, this is a time of relative freedom for me, and I want to make the most of it. Maybe get more things done, including the academic journal papers and research projects I am working on sporadically. And maybe get out more with Martin, to have fun.

The left card, reflecting the past, is Anomaly, which can be a problem, or something out of the ordinary, or other interpretations. It's making me think of my latest Covid vaccine flare more than my long-term neurological disease. A devastating neurological flare which has run from early May to early August. And it does tie in with Freedom.

The rightmost card, reflecting looking ahead, is Caching. Which again fits nicely with where I am. I want, in this short better patch, to make new valuable memories, and get things done I can look back on in future. So I want to make the most of this time, in a way I can look back on happily when I'm much iller again.

An interesting draw anyway, and some nice things to think about.

Meanwhile re Freedom, today is the start of the Glasgow Worldcon, and I have digital streaming access thanks to my attending ticket. I won't be watching much live, but hope to see one talk later today. And catch up on even more in the coming weeks and months. I also have Oxonmoot to look forward to in a few weeks. Again with a digital ticket. And ditto for the Edinburgh Book Festival. Streaming has been transformational for me.

Struggled enormously to wake at 4.30pm - still very heavily sedated from my latest post Covid vaccine neuro flare. But currently - miraculously! - awake enough to fix a couple of key bugs in my IFComp text adventure game. I have a couple more weeks to work on it before the final round of playtesting. Still have one big structural change to make, as well as many small things (I'm about halfway through my to do list). But pleased with tonight's brief work. Which I have also tested as much as I can re the new code. Lots of running around locations in the game, trying to beat a time issue, and also observe what happens in different places and different situations.

Reminder for fellow UK people especially, and of those Scottish based folks in particular: this year's Worldcon Science Fiction Convention is to be held in Glasgow this summer. Attending memberships can be bought for the whole thing, or will be available on a per day basis. And there is an online ticket option. Hotel rooms are being booked up now.

Martin and I were intending to go stay for the whole thing this year, but due to my progressive neurological illness and repeated 3-month long neurological flares after twice yearly Covid vaccines we can't possibly manage it now. Also the risk to immunosuppressed me from Covid infections on site is still far far too high. So we don't think we will be going in person at all.

We plan to keep our very reduced price (Scottish residents) attending memberships, in case we decide to drop in briefly (unlikely but ...). But will be mainly using online access available to us.

Anyway if this Glasgow con is something that might appeal to you check it out. The event will be full of panels, chats and author meet ups, plus a chance to mingle with fellow SFF fans. Also a very active traders' room. It will also host the Hugo Awards ceremony, though I hope this year's World Science Fiction Society (WSFS) Business Meeting looks to address some of the concerns from last year's Hugo Awards. Which seem to have been problematic, expressing it politely.

Over the last few weeks we have been rewatching the BBC’s 1999 TV version of Elizabeth Gaskell’s unfinished novel Wives and Daughters. Really good book, well adapted. Martin is watching it as if for the first time - he can’t remember anything of the 1999 previous watch. Michael Gambon was incredibly strong in tonight’s episode. I was also amusing myself by spotting actors who’d been in Doctor Who too.

Next up on our rewatch is probably going to be the 2005 David Tennant / RTD version of Casanova. Well I say rewatch. It will be for me. Martin hasn’t seen it! We have it in digital form from iTunes which is 2 x 90 ish minute episodes. I think I can probably manage those this weekend and next, before my 7th Covid vaccine triggers probably a terrible neurological flare, wiping me out again. I remember Murray Gold’s music being gorgeous in it. But never released separately I think. Like Doctor Who New Series 10 still - grumble grumble.

For over 75s, care home residents and immunosuppressed people like me. That will be Covid jab number 7 for me. And a week after I will almost certainly have another 3 month long neuro illness flare start. I’ve had this happen 6 times already, 18 months of 2021 and 2022. It’s horrific. On plus because I’m severely immunosuppressed the jab could very much save my life. But it’s horrific to cope with repeated flares. At least I am only due 2 Covid vaccines in 2023.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-64876657

One really lovely thing about my accordion practice this afternoon is my right hand - and specifically my fingers - was cooperating really well. This is the hand that plays the melody on the piano keyboard side of my accordion. When I had a huge cerebral vasculitis relapse in 2004 (effectively a stroke) I was suddenly a lot weaker down my right side, and falling over a lot to that side. I regained a lot of hand/finger control by teaching myself an enormously difficult piano tune over the next 12 months. But many years on I'm still weaker down that side than I'd like. And especially during disease flares/relapses. A year or so ago I was very sad about it, fearing I was losing the ability to play completely. Well things are looking a bit better at the moment! I still have other neurological things to contend with accordion wise, like light headedness, falling asleep mid play (!) and losing my usually automatic bellows control. But honestly it's so much better than it might have been. So I expect I should be able to enjoy playing my accordions for some years to come. Which is just lovely.