Six Days Before

Feb. 5th, 2026 10:37 pm
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[personal profile] ahunter3 posting in [community profile] queerly_beloved
= July 13, 1982 (Six Days Before) =



I’d been prescribed another dose of telephone.



There’s a phone alcove in my grandparents’ home, a recessed area in the hallway. It’s shallow, not like a room you can go into to be on the phone, but just a wooden stand built into an indentation in the wall, with a shelf for the phone to sit on, and under it, behind a hinged wooden lattice, room for phone books and note pads and pencils. I lurked there all morning and early afternoon. One thing that occurred to me was to be the one to place the call. To be less passive and less acted upon.

Yeah, but... Grandpa and Grandma’s phone bill. Not mine.

I played absent-mindedly with the rotary dial. Metal, not plastic, that dial, painted black but with shiny silvery finger holes, stiff spring, and you can sort of feel the pulses. A serious black vintage machine.

A measured ding, ding, ding chimed from Grandpa’s mantlepiece clock.

Phone finally rang.









“Your father and I have been looking at some materials and talking for some time now with some other families. And we have a proposal we’d like you to consider. Don’t answer until you’ve heard the whole thing, because we’ve put some serious thought into it. All right?”

“That’s reasonable. Okay, go ahead”

“There’s a program center just outside Houston we think looks promising, with counseling and activities to help people who are trying to get away from their drug or alcohol problem...”

I winced, but kept my silence.

“...not just about drugs, though. They look into a person’s diet and see how it fits with their metabolism and whether people are getting all the vitamins and minerals and components for making the right amino acids for mental functioning, and they do something called biofeedback so that... let’s say somebody had a hot temper, which is not a problem that you have, but someone else, biofeedback can help you choose your reactions and learn how to think more calmly before you act. Or someone who kind of acts impulsively, I think you maybe do that on occasion.”

My dad added, “It’s not just about possible problems with your brain itself. I know you’re not inclined to think there’s anything wrong with how your mind works, and I strongly suspect you’re right about that. But they also work on communication skills. Being in a group. Developing habits that make it easier to participate instead of sticking out and not fitting in. They know that some people who are struggling are those who have never become comfortable socially, and they want to help them deal with that.”

Now that sounded interesting. It’s not that I want to become one of the group-belonging, fitting-in-mentality kind of people, but I’d like to at least pick up their skillset as a second language.

“I knew it was going to be hard to sell you on the idea of a therapeutic service after what happened to you at UNM”, he continued. “Kate shouldn’t have said what she said the other day about you getting yourself kicked out. I agree they had no justifiable reason for putting you into that place, and frankly I didn’t realize they still had those medieval snake pit places, locking people up and pumping them full of drugs and not trying to help them! That’s not therapy!”

Mama said, “This isn’t like that. Their brochure shows the staff and the patients and everyone is wearing regular clothes, no medical uniforms or hospital pajamas or anything like that. It’s a very modern place where they respect patients, or clients, I’m not sure which term they use, but it says if anyone doesn’t feel they’re getting any good from it, it’s all voluntary, and you can just sign out and leave.”

“But we’d want you to give it a real try”, my Dad noted. “Don’t stalk out the first time you think there’s some policy or some person that isn’t perfect. You won’t get anything out of it unless you go in intending to get something out of it.”

“They won’t try to put you on those horrible psychiatric drugs,” my Mom added. “They don’t believe in drugging people. In fact, they want to get everyone off drugs.”

“This all sounds good”, I admitted. “Yeah, I mostly don’t think I have the problems you think I do, but it sounds like they’re willing to look at everything. I have problems that come from...you know, always being an unpopular kid, things... that I do guess get in my way now that I’m trying to reach out to people and make a difference. I don’t feel like either of you two really understand that for the last two years, the most important thing to me has been to share some of my own understandings and connect with people. I want to have a social impact. I think I have some really important insights that could help other people. Those things about growing up as a heterosexual sissy that I’ve been trying to tell you about.”

“You know”, my mom replied, “you keep obsessing about things that most people aren’t comfortable discussing. Personal, private things. When I was your age, that wasn’t an appropriate topic for conversation! Doesn’t it ever occur to you that there’s probably something unhealthy about focusing on the same things, when so much of it is all in your past anyway?”

I played with the coiled black telephone cord, sticking my fingers through the stretchy loops. “I think it’s pretty normal for a person to keep going back to the same ideas”, I said. “Maybe they’re on the verge of a breakthrough, like a deeper understanding. I bet if you could listen in to a person’s brain you’d find that they return to a lot of the same stuff and keep digging into it.”

I closed my eyes for a moment and rubbed them. Rubbed at memories and visions that lurked perpetually behind my eyelids. I continued, “It’s been frustrating so far trying to talk to people about any of that stuff. And if I got to the point of feeling like I had any traction with that, I’d probably be less distracted from everyday things. Like getting along better with hospital staff, for instance. Yeah, since I’m not in the nursing program any more, I suppose this is a good time to give this kind of thing a try.”


————

I'm posting my autobiographical narrative, Within the Box one chapter per week on my own DreamWidth page. (This post was to give you a taste of it, but it would be inappropriate and self-centered to shove it all into queerly_beloved. Future installments will be at https://ahunter3.dreamwidth.org/)

snow sneakers

Feb. 5th, 2026 10:33 pm
redbird: closeup of me drinking tea, in a friend's kitchen (Default)
[personal profile] redbird
A few days ago, I ordered a pair of snow sneakers that I thought would probably be too big, because the places I looked online were sold out of everything in my size.

They arrived today, I tried them on after dinner, and they seem to fit. Adrian helped me adjust the fastening so the left shoe isn't too tight around my calf. They fasten with velcro rather than shoelaces, which may be an advantage: the laces on my shoes tend to loosen as I walk, so I have to stop and retie them moderately often. (Flat laces are a bit better than round ones, double-knotting makes no difference, and please don't try trouble-shooting this in comments.)

Apparently I take a men's size 8 extra-wide in LLBean boots, which may be useful: more shoes come in a men's size 8 than size 7, and the selection of wide shoes is larger in men's sizes/styles than in women's.

Economics

Feb. 5th, 2026 08:44 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
The Impact Fee Illusion

Why “growth paying for growth” often leaves cities weaker, not stronger.

The public discussion usually starts something like this: a new development brings new residents, more traffic, and greater demand for public services. Roads, schools, pipes, and parks don’t build themselves. Someone has to pay for them. Asking growth to pay for growth sounds fair. It sounds prudent. And yet, many cities that rely heavily on impact fees still find themselves financially fragile. They struggle to maintain infrastructure, stretch operations thin, and quietly drift toward insolvency.


Read more... )

Thursday Recs

Feb. 5th, 2026 08:33 pm
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[personal profile] soc_puppet posting in [community profile] queerly_beloved
What's that on the horizon? Why, it's Thursday Recs!


Do you have a rec for this week? Just reply to this post with something queer or queer-adjacent (such as, soap made by a queer person that isn't necessarily queer themed) that you'd, well, recommend. Self-recs are welcome, as are recs for fandom-related content!

Or have you tried something that's been recced here? Do you have your own report to share about it? I'd love to hear about it!
petra: Barbara Gordon smiling knowingly (Default)
[personal profile] petra
I was despairing of the 73% of American Republicans who are on team GO ICE in a poll NPR just published asking whether ICE has gone too far -- and the 7% of Democrats and 29% percent of Independents who are with them.

[personal profile] hannah talked me down by pointing out that, as discussed in the linked conversation, 27% of Illinois voted for Alan Keyes over Barack Obama, which was patently bananas.

I remember a certain male role model in my life talking up Alan Keyes. This does not increase my faith in his understanding of politics, or indeed his inhabiting of the same planet I do.

Food

Feb. 5th, 2026 06:20 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This simple diet shift cut 330 calories a day without smaller meals

People who switch to a fully unprocessed diet don’t just eat differently—they eat smarter. Research from the University of Bristol shows that when people avoid ultra-processed foods, they naturally pile their plates with fruits and vegetables, eating over 50% more food by weight while still consuming hundreds fewer calories each day. This happens because whole foods trigger a kind of built-in “nutritional intelligence,” nudging people toward nutrient-rich, lower-calorie options.

Read more... )

Two Purrcies; This week in books

Feb. 5th, 2026 07:14 pm
mecurtin: drawing of black and white cat on bookshelf (cat on books)
[personal profile] mecurtin
Sometimes as I head to the bathroom for my bedtime rituals Purrcy comes racing to the windowsill outside the door for Wild! Shenanigans! Who can spot such a creature?!?

Purrcy the tuxedo tabby is crouched on a wide windowsill, peering around the edge with a single wide eye showing, tail waving wildly. He is truly a ferocious predator!

Comfort and self-care are SO important In These Trying Times, says Purrcy. Don't you agree? You, too, can combine sprawling with personal hygiene, if you're a cat!

Purrcy the tuxedo tabby lies splat on his back on the bed, furry tummy up, stretching out one arm and cleaning it with his large pink tongue in a way that is both efficient and very relaxed


This week in books (up through yesterday, because I completely blanked on that's what Wednesday is for).

#21 There Is No Antimemetics Division, by qntm
It's very mind-bendingly creepy, but it fundamentally doesn't work for me because there's an underlying premise that the only minds on Earth are human. I spend too much time reading science where we deduce the existence of things we can't see to be convinced that there could be things that would be that good at messing with human minds without leaving 2nd or 3rd-order effects on the physical world.

#22 Automatic Noodle, by Annalee Newitz
An extremely cheerful post-this-apoc story about robots & humans clawing their way out of war and societal collapse to make good-tasting food, dammit. A love note to San Francisco. I described the vibe as "you're wet now, but you're going to get dried off and have some delicious noodles to warm up while you hang with your friends".

#23 The Poet Empress, by Shen Tao
Such a relief to read a book based on Chinese imperial harem/court politics that reflects the power-driven, unromantic historical reality. Also a relief to read a book about *any* royal-level struggle where the protagonist understands how much and how little royalty are truly important.

#24 Asunder, by Kerstin Hall
The cover represents this book *extremely* poorly: it implies the subject is a contemporary young woman (judging by haircut & clothing), which is 100% not the case, and the grasping/entangling hands are very hard to see.

The actual setting is extremely interesting & deserved to be conveyed by the cover: it's a fantasy landscape inspired by South Africa, which took me a while to pick up. Just like our South Africa, the world has a complex, layered history -- in this case of magic, invasion, gods and their deaths, and of how most people are just trying to make their lives among the machinations of the powerful. The *feel* of the history as well as the landscape isn't the usual pseudo-Euroasian, but I don't get the feeling that it maps to the history of southern Africa in any direct way. But it's definitely *different*, which is good.

Karys Eska is bound twice, once to the terrifying eldritch entity Sabaster who gives her the power of a deathspeaker by which she earns her living, and now to the spirit of Ferrian, a wealthy young man who promises he can pay her all the money she needs if she can carry him to safety--inside her head. Her journey to try to release herself from these two bindings is vivid and increasingly complex. The ending is not completely satisfying, and I see that's because she's writing a direct sequel.

Birdfeeding

Feb. 5th, 2026 06:14 pm
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[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
Today is cloudy and cold.

I fed the birds.  I've seen a large flock of sparrows, one female and three male cardinals, and a starling.  A small flock of other birds high in the trees may have been more starlings or perhaps mourning doves.

I put out water for the birds. 

EDIT 2/5/26 -- I did a bit of work around the patio.

EDIT 2/5/26 -- I did more work around the patio.

I am done for the night.

[syndicated profile] scalziwhatever_feed

Posted by Athena Scalzi

One of my favorite sakes of all time is Ozeki’s Hana Awaka Sparkling Flower Sake. At a low 7% ABV and a beautifully light slightly sweet bubbly flavor, it is truly a treat to sip on alongside some sushi. Plus, it comes in a super cute 250ml pink labeled bottle. A perfect serving for one person!

A small, pink labeled bottle of sake, with a small shot glass next to it full of the clear, lightly bubbly liquid.

So, this past week, while perusing my local Japanese goods store in the next town over, I looked at their small sake collection and saw Ozeki’s Hana Awaka Sparkling Yuzu sake in the classic 250ml bottle, except this time it was in a yellow label to match the yuzu flavor.

I was honestly really excited to try this flavor since I adore their flower flavor so much, and the yuzu flavor was an even lower alcohol content than the flower so I imagined the flavor being even nicer.

I didn’t really care for this sake! It just tasted too much like lemon Pledge. I was hoping for a light, refreshing, bubbly citrus flavor that wasn’t overwhelming or too artificial, but sadly it was just kind of disappointing and definitely artificial tasting.

It tasted more like a 20% ABV lemon liquor than a 5% sparkling sake. It just was kind of hard to drink, unlike the flower flavor which is very easy, nice sipping. They also have a mixed berry flavor and a peach flavor that I would love to try, but haven’t seen anywhere before. Interestingly enough, the place that I first tried the flower flavor was at Sky Asian at their 9-year anniversary lunch.

Sadly, the yuzu flavor was just not up to par, and I will probably not re-buy it. If I see either of the other two flavors, I will be sure to check them out and let y’all know my thoughts!

Have you tried Ozeki sake before? According to their website, they have plenty of other types of sake besides their sparkling ones. I’d love to try some of their Junmai Daiginjo. How do you feel about sparkling sake? Let me know in the comments, and have a great day!

-AMS

Dimash FIRE

Feb. 5th, 2026 09:19 pm
elisi: Dimash singing (Dimash)
[personal profile] elisi
First from Global Spin (from the GRAMMYs):

Kazakh superstar Dimash Qudaibergen brings arena-level drama to "Fire," delivering a fire-starting performance of the track, packed with pyrotechnics, a revved-up motorcycle, and his signature vocals, at Astana Arena in his home country.

This is a mash-up of two performances from his concerts in Astana, Kazakhstan’s capital, on the 13th and 14th of September 2025, where the song premiered. More info here.

I first experienced this song at his London concert and it absolutely blew me away. You'll see (hear) why.

~

Then today (5 Feb 2026) this performance:

On February 5, Dimash Qudaibergen’s musical project 'Voice Beyond Horizon' premiered, with the artist serving as its executive producer. The project opened with Dimash’s song Fire, which he performed in English, Kazakh, and Chinese.


This is a perfect example of how he constantly switches things up. No song stays the same: he adds, he subtracts, he integrates another language (or two) or changes the genre or style or combines them in different ways... the versatility is endless.

It's important to remember that not everything in the world is bleak. There are wonders also.

(You can find the official trailer for 'Voice Beyond Horizon' here.)

Wednesday Reading on Thursday

Feb. 5th, 2026 04:36 pm
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[personal profile] oracne
This is actually all of December and January, which I wrote up for my professional blog.

The Woods All Black by Lee Mandelo is horror, a genre I read only rarely, but I was completely gripped by the 1930s rural setting. Leslie Bruin, a trans man and veteran nurse of World War One, now works for the Frontier Nursing Service. Sent to the tiny, isolated town of Spar Creek, he is quickly put on his guard by unfriendly townspeople and louring forest, but stays to try and help young Stevie Mattingly, a tomboyish local whom the entire town seems to want to control. The building tension is very effective, and finally explodes in dark magic and violence. Trigger warnings for off-screen sexual assault and some gory justice doled out towards the end.

The Incandescent by Emily Tesh is very excellent. It's a magic school story from a teacher's perspective, which fully demonstrates the ridiculously huge workload of a senior administrator/teacher and the difficulties of having a "human" life separate from teaching. It has great characters and deep worldbuilding, and even shows what graduate school and career paths the students might take. The solidly English middle-class point of view character Sapphire Walden, socially awkward with a doctorate in thaumaturgy, is brilliantly depicted, including her grappling with how to communicate with her students who vary in race and class. This novel read as a love letter to teachers and teaching that also showed their humanity with its mistakes and flaws.

Troubled Waters by Sharon Shinn is first in the "Elemental Blessings" series, a secondary-world fantasy with magic and personality types associated with/linked to elements or combinations thereof. The protagonist, for example, is linked mostly to water, which has a relationship to Change; in her case, she's part of major political changes. The story begins just after Zoe Ardelay's father has died. He was a political exile, and Zoe has mostly grown up in an isolated, tiny village. Darien Serlast, one of the king's advisors, arrives to bring her to the capital city, ostensibly to be the king's fifth wife. At this point, I was expecting a Marriage of Convenience, possibly with Darien. This did not happen; instead, the first of several shifts in the plot (much like changes in a river's course over time) sent Zoe off on her own to make new friends. While there is indeed a romance with Darien, eventually, it was secondary to the political plots revolving around the king, the machinations of his wives, and Zoe's discoveries about her heritage and associated magical abilities. I enjoyed the unexpected twists of the plot, but by the end felt I'd read enough of this world and did not move on to the rest of the series.

A Drop of Corruption by Robert Jackson Bennett is second in a series, Shadow of the Leviathan, but since my library hold on it came in first, I read out of order. As with many mystery series, there was enough background that I had no trouble reading it as a standalone. This secondary world fantasy mystery has genuinely interesting worldbuilding, mostly related to organic technology based on the flesh and blood of strange, metamorphic creatures called Leviathans who sometimes come ashore and wreak destruction. The story revolves around a research facility that works directly with these dangerous corpses and is secretly doing more than is public. Protagonists Dinios Kol and his boss, the eccentric and brilliant detective Ana Dolabra, are sent from the imperial Iudex to an outlier territory, Yarrow, whose economy is structured around organic technology and the research facility known as The Shroud. Yarrow is in the midst of negotiations with the imperial Treasury for a future entry into the Empire when one of the Treasury representatives is murdered. Colonialism and the local feudal system complicate both the plot and the investigation. If you like twists and turns, this is great. There are hints of the Pacific Rim movies (but no mecha) in the leviathans, and of famous detective pairings including Holmes and Watson and Nero Wolfe and Archie Goodwin, the latter of which the author explicitly mentions in the afterword. (Similarities: Ana likes to stay in one places, is a gourmet of sorts, sends Kol out for information; Kol has a photographic memory and is good at picking up sex partners.)

The Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett kicks off the Shadow of the Leviathan series. Kol and Ana begin the story in a backwater canton but soon travel to the imperial town that supports the great sea wall and holds back the Titans that invade in the wet season. The worldbuilding and the mystery plot are marvelously layered, and Ana's eccentricities are classic for a detective. I kept thinking, "he's putting down a clue, when is someone in this story going to pick it up?" and sometimes, I felt like the pickup took too long. This might have been on purpose, to drag out the tension. As a writer, I was definitely paying attention to the techniques the author used.

Paladin's Grace by T. Kingfisher is first in the "Saint of Steel" series, which has been recommended to me so many times by this point that I've lost count. While the story is serious and begins with an accidental massacre, the dialogue has Kingfisher's trademark whimsy, irony, and humor. When the supernatural Saint of Steel dies, its holy Paladins are bereft but still subject to a berserker rage no longer guided by the Saint. The survivors are taken in by the Temple of the White Rat and then must...survive. Paladin Stephen feels like a husk who serves the White Rat as requested and knits socks in his downtime until he accidentally saves a young woman from danger and becomes once again interested in living. Grace, a perfumer, fled an abusive marriage and has now stumbled into a murderous plot. Meanwhile, a series of mysterious deaths in the background eventually work their way forward. This was really fun, and I will read more.

Paladin's Hope by T. Kingfisher is third in the "Saint of Steel" series and features the lich-doctor (coroner) Piper, who becomes entangled with the paladin Galen and a gnole (badger-like sapient), Earstripe, who is investigating a series of very mysterious deaths. Galen still suffers the effects of when the Saint of Steel died, and is unwilling to build relationships outside of his fellow paladins; Piper works with the dead because of a psychic gift as well as other reasons that have led to him walling off his feelings. A high-stress situation helps to break down their walls, though I confess that video-game-like scenario dragged a bit for me. Also, I really wanted to learn a lot more about the gnoles and their society.

Paladin's Strength by T. Kingfisher is second in the "Saint of Steel" series but arrived third so far as my library holds were concerned; I actually finished it in February but am posting it here so it's with the other books in the series. This one might be my favorite of the series so far. Istvhan's level-headedness and emotional intelligence appeal strongly to me. Clara's strong sense of self made me like her even before the reveal of her special ability (which I guessed ahead of time). They were a well-matched couple, and a few times I actually laughed out loud at their dialogue. I also appreciated seeing different territory and some different cultures in this world. I plan to read the fourth book in this series, and more by this author.

Wrong on the Internet by selkit is a brief Murderbot (TV) story involving Sanctuary Moon fandom, Ratthi, and SecUnit. It's hilarious.

Cold Bayou by Barbara Hambly (2018) is sixteenth in the series, and I would not recommend starting here, as there are a lot of returning characters with complex relationships. Set in 1839 in southern Louisiana, the free man of color Ben, his wife Rose, his mother, his sister Dominique and her daughter, and his close friend Hannibal Sefton travel via steamboat to an isolated plantation, Cold Bayou, for a wedding.

As well as the inhabitants of the plantation (enslaved people and the mixed-race overseer and his wife), the sprawling cast includes an assortment of other family related by blood or otherwise through the complex French-Creole system of interracial relationships called plaçage or mariages de la main gauche. These involved White men contracting with mistresses of color while, often, married to White women for reasons of money or control over land rather than romance. The resulting complexities are a constant theme in this series, as Ben and his sister Olympe were freed from slavery in childhood when their mother was purchased and freed to be a placée; meanwhile, his half-sister Dominique is currently a placée, and on good terms with her partner Henri's wife, Chloe, who later has a larger role in the mystery plot.

Veryl St.-Chinian, one of two members of a family with control over a vast quantity of property, is 67 years old and has decided to marry 18 year old Ellie Trask, an illiterate Irish girl whose past is revealed to be socially dubious. Even before Ellie's rough-hewn uncle shows up with a squad of violent bravos, tempers are fraught and no-one thinks the marriage is a good idea, because of the vast family voting power it would give Ellie. Complicating matters is the inevitable murder and also a storm that floods the plantation and prevents most outside assistance for an extended period.

Hambly is one of my autobuy authors and I greatly enjoyed revisiting familiar characters as well as seeing them grapple with mystery tropes such as "detective is incapacitated and must rely on others for information" and "isolated assortment of plausible murder suspects." She's great at successively amping up the danger with plot twists that fractal out to the rest of the story, and though justice is always achieved in the end (as is required for the Mystery genre), the historical circumstances of these books can result in justice for some and not others. I highly recommend this series if you like mystery that successfully dramatizes complex social history.

The Big Idea: Justin C. Key

Feb. 5th, 2026 07:06 pm
[syndicated profile] scalziwhatever_feed

Posted by Athena Scalzi

A good beside manner makes all the difference in your medical care. So how polite could a robot doctor or AI nurse be? Justin C. Key makes the argument that human connection in medicine is an absolute requirement, and empathy should be all the rage amongst hospital staff. He took this attitude into the creation of his newest novel, The Hospital at the End of the World. Grab you insurance card and come see how connection and community are some of the best medicines.

JUSTIN C. KEY:

It’s hard to keep your humanity in medical training.

It’s a potent thought considering the AI war brewing. We have a process of training doctors that desensitizes, burns-out, and enforces systemic biases. If we’re training people to be robots, why not let the actual robots do it better?

In crafting this book, I set out to make a case for the opposite.

I’m a science fiction author who happened to go to medical school for the same reason I’m drawn to writing: the belief in the inherent value of human connection. I learned early in my medical journey that our healthcare system makes it very difficult to uphold this value. Physicians are overworked, bogged down in red tape, swimming upstream against a for-profit insurance system, and have too many patients and not enough time.

Then there’s the training itself. I didn’t like medical school. I didn’t like the hierarchy. I didn’t like the glorification of battle scars. I didn’t like the environment that pushed my classmate to suicide just months before graduation. Though my alma mater did great work in teaching the art of medicine and the importance of being with your patient, the core culture remained.

It wasn’t until I’d gotten my degree, had some years of autonomous patient care under my belt, and had the chance to process my experiences through my writing that I realized how magical it is to become a healer. No, not in an elitist or ‘holier than thou’ way. But the privilege to build a partnership meant to enhance a human life and, in a lot of cases, save it.

My first novel follows young medical student Pok Morning. There’s the premise you’ll get on the jacket cover and in the pitches and in the interviews—AI vs medicine, who will prevail?!—but as the larger, existential battle rages on, Pok still has to navigate the brutal process of becoming a doctor. How could I strike the balance between my perceived experience and later reflections? I was also asking a deeper, more introspective question: how did I come out of training valuing human connection so much when the process could have very well stripped me of that? 

The importance for humanity in medicine isn’t a given. With delivery and mobile apps, we are more and more disconnected from the people with whom we exchange services. And one can’t deny that there are some tasks a cold, calculated machine might be suited for. Even then, usually the best result comes from a pairing with human intuition. I wouldn’t knowingly get on a plane that didn’t have both an experienced pilot and a functional autopilot computer system. Would you? 

And then there’s the risks of having a human in the driver’s seat. Computers can’t drink and drive. They can’t be distracted by texting. They can’t forget to check a burn victim’s throat for soot just because a cooler case rolled by in the ER (yes, I literally just rewatched THAT Grey’s Anatomy episode). 

And thus winning the war of AI vs medicine is less about showing the flaws of AI (and trust, there are many and if I were an AI I’d make up a fake statistic to prove that point) but rather in making the case for humanity’s value. The most rewarding part of medicine—certainly for me and I suspect a lot of my colleagues who still hold hope—is helping someone by tapping into our own human parts. Empathy. Perspective. Community. This power is separate from outcomes. The task is easiest (and possibly even in AI’s reach) when the treatment worked and the patient improved. But what about when things go wrong? What about delivering bad news? What about being with someone during the hardest part of their life? There’s value in being seen and heard by another human. if a generated likeness said and did everything right, I’d bet that, for the patient, the experience would be as rewarding as watching a robot win the Olympics (in any category).

And yet . . . our healthcare system leaves little space for quality time between physician and patient. Those seeking help are left feeling unheard, underprioritized, and scrambling for alternative solutions. I fear that AI is going to come in and fill in these gaps (ChatGPT therapist, anyone?). Which is a shame because technology is supposed to relieve a physician’s burden and create more time for deeper connection, not eliminate it altogether. That dichotomy fuels the background of this book. Pok learns the ‘hard way’ of doing medicine while discovering its value.

There’s a moment early on in Pok’s medical school career where he doesn’t do as well as he hoped and feels he’s the only one. That everyone else is doing fine while he struggles. It’s a horrible place to be. I know because I’ve been there. But as the author of Pok’s world, I was able to imagine what it would look like to be lifted up from that, to have such disappointment strengthen community, resolve, and humility. The same way no one gets through illness alone, no one becomes a physician in isolation. The experiences that shape do so through the social lens.

Connection begets connection and that’s why it’s essential that medical education doesn’t exist in a bubble. There’s various levels of socialization, from peer to peer (Pok and his classmates), mentee to mentor (Pok and his professors) and, at some point, mentor to mentee (the student becomes the teacher). Like much of life, these interactions can go well or they can be stressful. They can build up or tear down. The types of community one experiences while becoming a physician can very much inform what they will recreate with their own patients. 

The type of medicine I created in The Hospital at the End of the World reflects what I strive to achieve as a physician. How did I put it on the page? By combining the essentials from my own experiences with what I hope will change for future generations of student doctors.  Pok, and hopefully my readers, are better for it.


The Hospital at the End of the World: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Bookshop|The Rep Club

Author socials: Website|Instagram|TikTok

sovay: (Sovay: David Owen)
[personal profile] sovay
Saturday's Hero (1951) was already failing to survive contact with the Production Code when the Red Scare stepped in. To give the censors their back-handed due, the results can be mistaken for an ambitiously scabrous exposé of the commercialization of college football whose diffusion into platitudes beyond its immediate social message may be understood as the inevitable Hollywood guardrail against taking its cynicism too thoughtfully to heart. It just happens that any comparison with its source material reveals its intermittently focused anger as a more than routine casualty of that white picket filter: it is an object lesson in the futility of trying to compromise with a moral panic.

Optioned by Columbia before it was even published, Millard Lampell's The Hero (1949) was a mythbuster of a debut novel from an author whose anti-capitalist, anti-fascist, pro-union bona fides went back to his undergraduate days and whose activism had already been artistically front and center in his protest songs for the Almanac Singers and his ballad opera with Earl Robinson. The material was personal, recognizably developed from the combined radicalization of his high school stardom in the silk city of Paterson and his short-lived varsity career at West Virginia University. Structurally, it's as neat and sharp as one of his anti-war lyrics or labor anthems, sighting on the eternally shifting goalposts of the American dream through the sacred pigskin of its gridiron game. Like a campus novel pulled inside out, it does not chronicle the acclaim and acceptance found by a sensitive, impressionable recruit once he's played the game like a Jackson man for his alma mater's honor and the pure love of football, it leaves him out in the cold with a shattered shoulder and ideals, assimilating the hard, crude fact that all the brotherly valorization of this most patriotic, democratic sport was a gimmick to get him to beat his brains out for the prestige and profit of silver-spooned WASPs who would always look down on him as "a Polack from a mill town" even as he advertised the product of their school in the hallowed jersey of their last doomed youth of an All-American. Beneath its heady veneer of laurels and fustian, football itself comes across as a grisly, consuming ritual—Lampell may not have known about CTE, but the novel's most significant games are marked by dirty plays and their gladiatorial weight in stretchers. It goes without saying that team spirit outweighs such selfish considerations as permanent disability. The more jaded or desperate players just try to get out with their payoffs intact. "I was only doing a job out there. I got a wife and kid, I was in the Marines three years. I needed the dough, the one-fifty they offered for getting you out of there." None of these costs and abuses had escaped earlier critiques of amateur athletics, but Lampell explicitly politicized them, anchoring his thesis to the title that can be read satirically, seriously, sadder and more wisely, the secret lesson that marginalized rubes like Steve Novak are never supposed to learn:

"Of all the nations on earth, it seems to me that America is peculiarly a country fed on myths. Work and Win. You Too Can Be President. Bootblack to Banker. The Spirit of the Old School. We've developed a whole culture designed to send young men chasing after a thousand glistening and empty goals. You too, Novak. You believe the legend . . . You've distilled him out of a thousand movies and magazine stories, second-rate novels and photographs in the advertisements. The Hero. The tall, lean, manly, modest, clean-cut, middle-class, Anglo-Saxon All-American Boy, athletic and confident in his perfectly cut tweeds, with his passport from Yale or Princeton or Jackson . . . To be accepted and secure; to be free of the humiliations of adolescence, the embarrassment of being Polish or poor, or Italian, or Jewish, or the son of a weary, bewildered father, a mother who is nervous and shouts, a grandfather who came over from the old country . . . You have to learn to recognize the myth, Novak. You have to learn what is the illusion, and what is the reality. That is when you will cease being hurt, baffled, disillusioned by a place like this. You won't learn it from me. You won't learn it from a lecture, or a conversation over teacups. But you'll have to learn."

Almost none of this mercilessly articulated disenchantment can be found in the finished film. Co-adapted by Lampell with writer-producer Sidney Buchman and chronically criticized by the PCA, Saturday's Hero sticks with melodramatic fidelity to the letter of the novel's action while its spirit is diverted from a devastating indictment of the American bill of goods to the smaller venalities of corruption in sports, the predatory scouts, the parasitic agents, the indifferent greed of presciently corporatized institutions and the self-serving back-slapping of alumni who parade their sacrificially anointed mascots to further their own political goals. It's acrid as far as it goes, but it loses so much of the novel's prickle as well as its bite. Onscreen, old-moneyed, ivy-bricked, athletically unscrupulous Jackson is a Southern university, mostly, it seems, to heighten the culture shock with the Northeastern conurbation that spawned Steve's White Falls. In the novel, its geography is razor-relevant—it decides his choice of college. Academically and financially, he has better offers for his grades and his talent, but its Virginian mystique, aristocratically redolent of Thomas Jefferson and Jeb Stuart, feels so much more authentically American than the immigrant industry of his hardscrabble New Jersey that he clutches for it like a fool's gold ring. The 2026 reader may feel their hackles raise even more than the reader of 1949. The viewer of 1951 would have had to read in the interrogation of what makes a real American for themselves. The question was a sealed record in the McCarthy era; it was un-American even to ask. It was downright Communist to wonder whether what made a real hero was a gentleman's handshake or the guts to hold on like Steve's Poppa with his accent as thick as chleb żytni, who went to jail with a broken head in the 1913 silk strike and never crossed a picket line in his life. For Lampell, the exploitativeness of football could not be separated from the equally stacked decks of race and economics that drove students to seek out their own commodification. "It is a profound social comment that there are so many Polish, Italian, Jewish and Negro athletes. Because athletics offers one of the few ways out of the tenements and the company houses." The Production Code was a past master of compartmentalization, married couples placed decorously in separate beds. The football scenes in Saturday's Hero are shot with bone-crunching adrenaline by God-tier DP Lee Garmes as if he'd tacked an Arriflex to the running back and if the picture had been ideologically that head-on, it might have lived up to the accusations of subversive propaganda which the presence of class consciousness seemed to panic out of the censors. It feels instead so circumscribed in its outrage that it is faintly amazing that it manages the novel's anti-establishment, not anti-intellectual ending in which Steve, proto-New Wave, walks away from the gilded snare of Jackson determined to complete his education on his own terms even if it means putting himself through night school in White Falls or New York. As his Pacific veteran of a brother gently recognizes, in a way that has nothing to do with diplomas, "My little brother is an educated man." It's a hard-won, self-made optimism, surely as all-American as any forward pass. With the vitriolic encouragement of such right-wing organizations and publications as The American Legion Magazine (1919–), its even more expressly anti-Communist spinoff The Firing Line (1952–55), and the anti-union astroturf of the Wage Earners Committee, the movie after all its memos, rewrites, and cuts was picketed and charges of card-carrying Communism levied against writer Lampell, producer Buchman, and supporting player Alexander Knox.

Why pick on him? The blacklist had already won that round. For his prolifically left-wing contributions to the Committee for the First Amendment, Progressive Citizens of America, the Actors' Lab, the Screen Actors Guild, and the American Russian Institute, Knox had been named in Myron C. Fagan's Documentations of the Reds and Fellow-Travelers in Hollywood and TV (1950). By the end of that year, he had taken his Canadian passport and his family to the UK and returned to the U.S. only for the production dates required to burn off the remainder of his contract with Columbia. Since witch-hunts have by definition little to do with facts and everything to do with fear, the picketers didn't have to care so long as they could seize on his Red-bait reputation—The Firing Line would cherish a hate-on for him as late as 1954—but it remains absurdly true that at the time when Saturday's Hero premiered, he was living in London. His name had been insinuated before HUAC as far back as the original hearings in 1947. Harry Cohn might as well have rolled his own with those memos and let Knox give that broadside denunciation of the great American myth.

Fortunately, even a truncated version of Professor Megroth of the English Department of Jackson University is an ornament to his picture, no matter how irritably he would wave it off. Plotwise, the character is strictly from cliché, the only adult on campus to bother with an athlete's mind instead of his rushing average and return yards, but Knox makes him believable and even difficult, the kind of burnt-out instructor who makes sour little asides about the tedium of his own courses and plays his disdain for sportsball to the cheap seats of his tonier students as a prelude to putting the blue-collar naïf he resents having been assigned to advise on the spot. Can I find a hint that Knox ever played Andrew Crocker-Harris in his post-American stage career? Can I hell and I'd like to see the manager about it. Like the subtly stratified fraternity houses and dorms, he looks like just another manifestation of the university's double standards until Steve goes for the Romantic broke of quoting all forty-two Spenserian stanzas of "The Eve of St. Agnes" and the professor is ironically too good a sport not to concede the backfire with unimpeachable pedantry. "You don't understand, Novak. You're supposed to stand there like a dumb ox while I make a fool out of you." His mentorship of Steve is mordant, impatient, a little shy of his own enthusiasm, as if he's been recalled to his responsibilities as a teacher by the novelty of a pupil who goes straight off the syllabus of English 1 into Whitman and Balzac and Dostoyevsky as fast as Megroth can pull their titles off the shelves, making time outside his office hours—in a rare note of realism for Hollywood academia, he can be seen grading papers through lunch—in unemphasized alternative to the relentless demands of the team and especially its publicity machine that eat ever further into its star player's studies and, more fragilely, his sense of self. "You know, if you continue in this rather curious manner, I may be forced to give you quite a decent mark. Be a terrible blow to me, wouldn't it?" That it doesn't work is no criticism of Megroth, who is obviously a more than competent advisor once he gets his head out of his own classism. As he would not be permitted to point out on film, it is hideously difficult to deprogram a national freight of false idols, especially after eighteen years of absorbing them as unconsciously as the chemical waste of the dye shops or the ash and asbestos fallout of the silk mills. He can talk about truth, he can talk about self-knowledge; he can watch horrified and impotent from the stands of a brutal debacle as it breaks his student across its bottom line. He would have played beautifully the quiet, clear-eyed conversation that the PCA rejected as "anti-American." Barely a line remains, cut to shreds, perhaps reshot: "The dream, the dream to be accepted and secure . . . Once you know it's a dream, it can't hurt." Professor Megroth says it like the only thing he has left to teach the still-raw Steve, whom even a joke about industrial insurance can't persuade to stay a second longer at Jackson than it takes him to pack. Alex Knox would revisit the U.S. only once more in 1980, thirty years after it had chased him out. When he began to be offered parts in American pictures again, he would take them only if they were internationally shot.

"One way that fascism comes," Millard Lampell wrote as a senior at WVU in 1940, "is by an almost imperceptible system of limitations on public liberty, an accumulation of suppressions. The attack on civil liberties is one invasion the United States army can't stop. The only safeguard of democracy at the polls is the determination of the people to make it work." Boy, would he have had a lousy 2024. He didn't have such a good 1950, when he was named in the notorious Red Channels: The Report of Communist Influence in Radio and Television and in short order vanished from American screens until the 1960's. Sidney Buchman followed much the same trajectory, starting with his refusal to name names before HUAC the same month that Saturday's Hero opened. Since he was encouraged to write one of those confessional letters clearing himself of all Communist sympathies, I am pleased to report that Alexander Knox completely blew it by digressing to castigate the House Un-American Activities Committee for exactly the kind of lawless groupthink it claimed to have formed to root out, which he was unsurprisingly right damaged far more of America's image on the world stage than a couple of socially progressive pictures. Is there an echo in here? The blacklist passed over the majority of the remaining cast and crew—veteran direction by David Miller, a journeyman score by Elmer Bernstein, and effective to exact performances from John Derek, Donna Reed, Sidney Blackmer, Sandro Giglio, Aldo Ray, and no relation Mickey Knox—but even the topical boost of a series of college athletics scandals couldn't save the film at the box office. It was Red and dead.

"Athletics! No interest whatsoever in football, basketball, tennis, beanbag, darts, or spin-the-bottle." I have about as much feeling for most sports as Professor Megroth, but I learned the rules of American football because my grandfather always watched it, always rooting for the Sooners long after he had retired from the faculty of the University of Oklahoma. I would have loved to ask him about this movie, the sport, the politics; I would have loved to catch it on TCM, for that matter, but instead I had to make do with very blurrily TCM-ripped YouTube. The novel itself took an interlibrary loan to get hold of, never having been reprinted since its abridged and pulp-styled paperback from the Popular Library in 1950. It's such a snapshot, except the more I discovered about it, the less historical it felt. "I console myself," the novel's professor says, unconsoled, as he shakes hands for the last time with Steve, "with the thought that even if I had said all this, you would not have believed me. You would have had to find out." And then, just once, could we remember? This education brought to you by my curious backers at Patreon.

2026.02.05

Feb. 5th, 2026 12:23 pm
lsanderson: (Default)
[personal profile] lsanderson
ICE

Without immigrants, our cities would grind to a halt
It’s impossible to imagine the Twin Cities — or any major U.S. city — prospering without the contributions of immigrants.
by Bill Lindeke
https://www.minnpost.com/cityscape/2026/02/without-immigrants-our-cities-would-grind-to-a-halt/

County attorneys nix proposal for Minnesota sheriffs to coordinate with ICE
The Minnesota Sheriffs’ Association sought a way around Minnesota law that prohibits holding inmates past their release date for ICE.
by Ana Radelat
https://www.minnpost.com/national/washington/2026/02/county-attorneys-nix-proposal-for-minnesota-sheriffs-to-coordinate-with-ice/

Trump’s border-czar takeover does little to calm Minneapolis tensions: ‘The agenda is still the same’
Experts say Tom Homan’s charge, replacing Greg Bovino’s aggressive tactics, may change the tone, but not the mission
Shrai Popat in Minneapolis
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/feb/05/tom-homan-minnesota-gregory-bovino

ICE agents in Oregon cannot arrest people without warrants, judge rules
US federal judge issued a preliminary injunction barring warrantless arrests unless there is a likelihood of escape
Associated Press
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/feb/05/ice-immigration-raids-oregon Read more... )
wychwood: Geoffrey is waving his hands again (S&A - Geoffrey hands)
[personal profile] wychwood
I had a birthday! It was low key (Mum is still not up for even small adventures) but involved a lot of eating. I had lunch with Dad, and then dinner with S before choir although I was still so full I managed half a starter and a bit of her dessert. Then choir, and we had some cookies in the break. Tomorrow I have post-swimming coffee and cake before work and then office snacks (three flavours of interesting cheese crackers! I thought that was more fun than cake).

Nearly everyone gave me vouchers as per my request and I have so many Steam vouchers now. That will be fun for when my wishlist items go on good sales! Also my dad gave me a scented candle but that was more of a "please get rid of this thing I don't want" than a present as such :D It appears to be a branded corporate gift from his old work, but it smells OK and my candle order has been "on its way" from the parcel facility less than twenty miles away for ten days now, so I'll take it.

Choir was also interesting because it was the first rehearsal of the second conductor candidate we're auditioning. So far I like him - probably better than the first one, although he was OK - but we'll see how it goes. I had demanded that S make sure I was sung happy birthday (before we realised it was the new guy's first night!) but she managed to make it happen anyway. Deeply mortifying in the moment, but also I really wanted it to happen! It was the 22nd anniversary of S and I joining the chorus (no prizes for guessing why I can remember exactly what date it was...) and we've been friends ever since.
seawasp: (Default)
[personal profile] seawasp
So here's todays discussion. It is in fact related to some personal experiences, but I'm not going into those here. 





dissing on sf cons, again

Feb. 5th, 2026 06:51 am
calimac: (Default)
[personal profile] calimac
Here's yet another characterization of sf cons as unwelcoming and elitist. I find that a very strange charge. In my youth I was stepped on by all sorts of elites, but I never had any trouble finding sf cons welcoming and joyous.

But I know why this is. It's because I didn't go to sf cons with a chip on my shoulder. I had figured out that literary sf cons are about written sf literature. If you go to a focused special-interest con, you have to focus on what interest you have in that, and put other interests in abeyance for the weekend. I once went to a festival celebrating Peter Jackson's Tolkien movies. I'm famously excoriating on those, but I shut up about that for the weekend and accepted the celebration of what's good about them (and there are good things about them, just not anything having to do with Tolkien). Last month I went to a Clark Ashton Smith conference. I'd never paid more attention to Clark Ashton Smith than the length of time it took to read one or another short story by him, but for that weekend I focused on Clark Ashton Smith - and learned a lot.

And the reason these small specialty conferences are hostile to other interests is because they feel beleaguered. They're a community and they have an interest. There's a lot more comics fans than there are literary sf fans, as the size of comics cons will reveal, and they've got plenty of conventions of their own. Same with movies. If they come in to the small specialty cons, they'll drown out what the con is there for. Decades ago there was a joke in the Mythopoeic Society that Star Wars was the black hole of conversation; that once it came up, it took over the discussion.

I don't expect these cons to change their focus for me. I don't march into a literary sf con and demand to be taken as a comics fan, as the poster did. They're a community; you can join that community if you have any interest in its subject. (Some of the Clark Ashton Smith attendees had barely begun reading his work, and they weren't denigrated by the hoary old specialists, because they were showing interest; they weren't demanding the con be about something else.) Blend into the environment you're in, if you have any interest in it at all. There'll be a chance for a different environment next weekend.

PS: Kayla Allen corrected a small factual error in the post.

Books from recent travels

Feb. 5th, 2026 01:42 pm
emperor: (Default)
[personal profile] emperor
Three books I've read recently. First is A Drop of Corruption, the sequel to The Tainted Cup, which I really liked. I also really enjoyed A Drop of Corruption; like the previous book it's a great page-turner with a twisty mystery plot, with a well-drawn world and some interesting themes (particularly around governance and social institutions). Recommended, but read The Tainted Cup first. Eligible for the 2026 Hugos, I think.

Second, I've had A Half-Built Garden on my Kobo for a while, and finally got round to reading it. It's a near-future first contact novel, although for the aliens its not their first contact. There's a lot here about how we treat our environment and govern ourselves, as well as how we've used sci-fi to imagine alternative futures. I thought this book rewarded having long periods of time to approach it in; it needs thoughtful reading.

Finally, Nordic Visions, subtitled "The best of Nordic speculative fiction", edited by Margrét Helgadóttir. A selection of short stories from (in order) Sweden, Denmark, The Faroe Islands, Iceland, Norway, and Finland. These stories are mostly from the horror/fantasy part of speculative fiction, and some of the horror is pretty dark. As with any such selection, it's a bit of a mixed bag, but there are some very strong stories in here; I think the opening She was particularly effective, and I enjoyed the Kalevala story The Wings that Slice the Sky.

Lightning in a bottle

Feb. 5th, 2026 09:49 am
soemand: (Default)
[personal profile] soemand
After Catherine O’Hara's passing, we were discussing at work on how much of her work is ephemeral, for example her work on SCTV, like most comedy shows of the era.

The time when VCRs were rare, if you weren't watching you missed it, and the throwaway nature of the shows.
Notwithstanding many of the situations and jokes wouldn't fly today. While I have a soft spot for Dr. Tongue's Evil House of Pancakes; whole generations don't.

And you can easily date someone in Canada by this joke:

The scene takes place in an ancient Roman bar, where the detective, Flavius, orders a drink:

Flavius: "Give me a martinus.
Bartender: "Don't you mean a martini?"
Flavius: "If I wanted two, I'd have asked for them!"

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